Once Upon a Time

第43章 Chapter (2)

ile not reaching his eyes. “You go home and nevere back,” he stated.

His lips thinning, Rohan averted his gaze. Yes, if it didn’t go well, they would likely never be able to return to Calluvia through the Blind. The High Hronthar would be stupid not to cut that avenue off after this fiasco.

“It’s okay, Rohan,” Jamil said, in the same toneless voice. “I always knew it would end this way.” He looked down at his hands and smiled faintly. “It’s—it’s okay. I hope your meeting with the High Adept will go well. But if we—if we don’t see each other ever again, I wish you—I wish you a long, happy life. I hope you remember me fondly.”

Rohan didn’t remember crossing the distance between them as he knelt in front of Jamil’s chair.

“Don’t do this,” Rohan said roughly, taking Jamil’s hands and looking him in the eye intently. “Jamil, please.”

Jamil pressed his lips together.

“I’lle back,” Rohan found himself saying, a promise he was in no position to give. He knew he shouldn’t give it, but dammit, he couldn’t bear seeing that empty, defeated look in Jamil’s eyes.

Jamil shook his head, smiling ruefully. “Even if you do, you won’t be able to stay with me. You have a duty to your people.” He chuckled. “I almost wish you really were a lowborn servant. Then I could keep you like my dirty little secret.”

His attempt at humor fell flat, because Rohan could sense how upset he really was.

“Sweetheart,” Rohan said hoarsely, kissing his fingers. I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.

His chin trembling, Jamil stared at him for a moment before lunging forward and falling into his arms. Rohan squeezed him tightly, pulling him into his lap. Their lips sought out each together. It wasn’t even a kiss; they just breathed into each other’s mouths, their arms wrapped in a bone-crushing hug. Everything felt disjointed, the world a blur of need and desperation so epassing that nothing seemed real but the feel of Jamil’s skin against his mouth and the feel of him in his arms.

“I hate this,” Jamil whispered, his eyes squeezed shut as he clung to Rohan. “I hate that I’m—that I’m this close to begging you to stay with me. I knew you’d leave—I knew—but—” Jamil’s voice cracked, and Rohan held him tighter, closer, his own throat thick with emotion. He couldn’t stand seeing Jamil so upset—knowing that he was the reason for it—and everything in him wanted to soothe, to kiss that pain away, to make it better.

But he couldn’t make it better. Not this time.

“I’lle back,” he said, kissing Jamil’s trembling lips. “I will.”

They both knew how empty this promise was when he had no idea if it was even possible.

Jamil shook his head, laid his head on Rohan’s shoulder, and whispered, “Just hold me? Just for a little while.”

His throat tight, Rohan did.