Once Upon a Time

第36章 Chapter (3)

t it was torn and thin, fraying at the edges. It was like a spider web woven around his core, blocking off entire neural pathways.

“I’m letting you see through my senses. Yours are too weak while this thing is suppressing them. I’m going to remove it now. Focus on our bond. It will make it easier.”

Jamil shifted his mental attention to the other bond, the one that shone in his mind gold and pure. It, too, was interwoven around his telepathic core, but in a way that felt natural and seamless. It emanated warmth and safety. He let himself bask in it.

He barely noticed when the bond to Mehmer disappeared. Or rather, he noticed it only because the gentle pleasure he was feeling from his bond to Rohan suddenly increased tenfold.

Jamil gasped, his head spinning. He was trembling all over, his every sense suddenly magnified. It was too much. “Rohan—”

“Shh, I’m here,” Rohan said, projecting at him the feelings of calm and serenity. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

Jamil clung to him, both mentality and physically, needing him like he needed the air.

“It’ll get better,” Rohan said quietly, running gentle fingers through his hair. “Tell me what you need, love. I’ll do anything for you.”

Jamil hid his besotted smile in the hollow of Rohan’s throat, breathing in his scent like an addicted person would inhale their favorite drug. His heightened senses seemed unable to adjust to the sensory overload, his skin on fire wherever they touched. But he could stay like this forever: in this man’s arms, their bodies and minds entwined so intimately it was impossible to tell where he ended and Rohan began. Jamil could feel Rohan’s protectiveness toward him, his fierce, obsessive determination to keep him safe and happy, and he soaked it up. He’d never felt so safe, cherished, and happy in his life.

But then he felt a stab of dread, deep and gut-wrenching. Happiness didn’t last. Not for him. This was borrowed time. Rohan was going to leave soon. They could never be anything, for many different reasons.

Rohan would leave, and Jamil… he would be alone again.

Not alone, he corrected himself, trying to climb out of the well of despair. He had a beautiful baby girl. Rohan’s daughter.

But although he adored his daughter, the thought of her didn’t quite manage to suppress the feelings of dread and loss that were building in his chest. His eyes stung, and he was glad Rohan couldn’t see his face right now.

Jamil took in a deep breath, trying to push away the negative thoughts. There would be time to feel sad and alone—plenty of time in his future—and there was no use spoiling the present with it. If this was borrowed time, Jamil intended to enjoy it while he could.

Filled with new determination, Jamil put all his efforts into building his mental shields. He didn’t want Rohan to sense the direction of his thoughts, didn’t want him to think Jamil was a clingy, pathetic idiot too stupid to long for something impossible.

To his surprise, building mental shields now came effortlessly to him. He was pretty sure Rohan could still sense his general emotions through their bond, but he was confident that his thoughts were now private.

“I think my shields are pretty good now. Could you check?”

He felt Rohan probe at them gently before letting out a surprised sound. “You’re a natural,” he said. “They’re very good.”

Although his tone was approving, Jamil could feel something like faint displeasureing off him.

“Something wrong?” he said, his eyebrows furrowed.

Rohan let out a self-deprecating laugh. “I guess I just got used to having unlimited ess to your thoughts. Feels weird not to have it anymore. It’s a good thing you can now shield yourself from me. It is.”

Jamil studied him curiously. It almost seemed as though Rohan was trying to convince himself. Judging by Rohan’s pinched, disturbed expression, he wasn’t pleased by his own feelings on the matter, either.

“There has to be a line,” Jamil said softly, looking down. “It probably wasn’t healthy, Rohan. We’re two individuals, not one. There have to be some boundaries.” His words sounded reasonable. Very reasonable, and very hypocritical. His reason for putting up mental shields had nothing to do with rationality—he would have had Rohan inside him all the time if he could—and everything to do with self-preservation. He didn’t want Rohan to know just how needy he was, how badly he wanted to keep Rohan in him all the goddamn time.

Rohan gave a clipped nod, his arm tightening around him. “Of course. You’re right.”

“Now tell me about Dalatteya,” Jamil said, changing the subject. “What did you see in her mind?”

“Her memories have been altered. She either doesn’t know that Tai’Lehrians are the rebels, or her memories have been altered to make her et. There were also mind traps in her mind, set to be triggered if someone tried to recover her altered memories. That’s a work of a well-trained, high-level telepath. And I know of only one group of people on Calluvia who could have done it.”

“The High Hronthar,” Jamil murmured, frowning.

Rohan nodded. “The Order must be the ones manipulating the public opinion too. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve done it.”

“What do you mean?”

Rohan’s brows drew together in thought. He ran his fingers over Jamil’s arm absentmindedly. “Do you know how the rebel movement started?” At Jamil’s blank look, Rohan said, “They were called renegades for a reason. The rebel movement was founded by Sahir Sagni, a former High Hronthar member who didn’t approve of the way the Order manipulated the Council into introducing the Bonding Law. The Order used people’s fears and managed to persuade the Council that it was for everyone’s good to bind all children’s telepathy from a very early age by forming a betrothal bond. As a result, the monks became the only people on Calluvia whose telepathy wasn’t restrained by such a bond, making the High Hronthar immensely powerful. Sahir Sagni tried to warn the Council, tell them of the Order’s true motives, but he was declared an insane renegade spouting nonsense and thrown out of the Order. He was forced to go into hiding, and although most people didn’t believe Sagni, some had. And that was how the rebel movement started.”

Jamil frowned. Although the rebel movement was founded thousands years ago, Calluvia was already a highly developed society at the time. It was very strange that there was no mention of Sahir Sagni anywhere in the records.

Rohan smiled ruefully. “I have to say you gotta admire the way those bastards masterfully cultivated the image of harmless monks not interested in power when the reality couldn’t be more different. The High Hronthar has its long arms everywhere, subtly controlling the Council, public opinion, and who knows what else.”

A cold feeling ran down Jamil’s spine as he remembered how many times he’d allowed the mind adepts to enter his mind in the past.

“Still,” Jamil said, squirming closer to Rohan’s warmth. “It seems unbelievable that nowadays people have no clue how the rebel movement started.”

Rohan’s hand stroked his back, the touch warm andforting. “It’s been four thousand years, Jamil. Nowadays, even most Tai’Lehrians don’t know that the High Hronthar is the reason why unbonded people are outlawed. People’s memory is short. Our ancestors founded a colony away from Calluvia and just wanted to stay under the radar. We moved on. We didn’t think that after all this time, the High Hronthar would care about us enough to destroy what’s left of our reputation.”

Jamil nuzzled Rohan’s chest, wondering why the Order’s interest in the rebels had been reignited. For centuries, few people on Calluvia had spoken about the rebels, but it had changed in the past few years. Rebels were blamed for people’s disappearances and deaths, unidentified attacks and sexual assaults. People were scared of the rebels now—scared and angry with them. Jamil had been one of those people just a year ago.

“But why?” Jamil murmured. “Why would the Order drag the rebels into the spotlight again? Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to want people to et about the rebels and the reason they rebelled in the first place?” He paused, considering and discarding possibilities. “It only makes sense if their spies on Tai’Lehr have learned something that made the Order worry. Possibly something that changed in the past few years? Something that made them fear the Tai’Lehrians?”

When he looked up, he found Rohan watching him with a fixated, intense look.

Jamil frowned a little. “What?”

Rohan smiled at him, his thumb stroking Jamil’s bottom lip, his black eyes hooded. “I like watching you think. You’re so pretty when you think. I mean, you’re always pretty, but when you think, you always purse your lips into the cutest pout—”

Laughing, Jamil glared at him half-heartedly. “Are you serious? Did you even hear what I said?”

Rohan chuckled. “I heard you. And you’re absolutely right.”

Jamil raised his eyebrows expectantly when Rohan didn’t say anything else. “And?”

Rohan frowned, something like hesitation flickering in his eyes.

At last, he said,

“There’s something I didn’t tell you.”